“I came to the conclusion that wonderful people are made, not born — that the people I admired had achieved an unfakeable inner virtue, built slowly from specific moral and spiritual accomplishments. If we wanted to be gimmicky, we could say these accomplishments amounted to a moral bucket list, the experiences one should have on the way toward the richest possible inner life.”

I do not need to figure everything out this very instant. Many times I overwhelm myself trying to make everything perfect, right now. But that is an illusion as there is no such thing as perfection. The more I grasp for it, the further away it is. Instead, if I can focus on the path and learning from each step on that path, I think I will have better luck at finding happiness and peace.

The third aha resulted from Brooks' description of people's lives on the path to inner virtue: 

“Their lives often follow a pattern of defeat, recognition, redemption. They have moments of pain and suffering. But they turn those moments into occasions of radical self-understanding.”

He calls this the philosophy for stumblers. What an insightful way to think about life and our experiences. We’ve all made choices that have affected who and where we are - some may have been positive, others not so much. Instead of only valuing the “good” experiences, what if we instead embrace the experiences that make us good people? And what if some of those experiences are difficult?

For me, I know that I am a better person when I can empathize with others. I am much more willing to forgive someone who screws up if I have been there, done that. Well, I would consider some of my biggest f-ups to be the occasions that have built up my empathetic nature the most. So while I often like to shove those experiences under the proverbial rug and pretend they didn’t happen, I should actually be extremely grateful for them.

As Brooks states, “The stumbler scuffs through life, a little off balance. But the stumbler faces her imperfect nature with unvarnished honesty, with the opposite of squeamishness...The stumbler has an outstretched arm, ready to receive and offer assistance.”

The best quality I hope to inherit from my grandparents and pass on to future generations is selflessness. When we stop worrying about our own happiness and instead focus on helping others, a crazy and wonderful thing happens...we end up becoming happier ourselves!

So with that in mind, here is my moral bucket list, my outstretched arm to the world. Hopefully I can make an impact, even a small ripple that will expand and reach out to slowly but irrevocably change the world, so that when my time comes - my eulogy virtues vastly outnumber those on my resume.

• remember John 13:35 as I sit at my desk (it is now taped to my wall next to my computer screen)
• be a better listener 
• increase personal interactions, reduce impersonal (Facebook/Instagram/Twitter, I’m looking at you)
• pray more
• be more patient with my family and the imperfect mess of our home
• hold my tongue and not insert my opinion where it’s not wanted or needed
• increase giving
• reduce my negative impacts on the environment 
• buy new less and reuse more
• be optimistic in the face of difficulties 
• let go of anger quickly
• be honest in my failures
• always say I love you